Why I felt Great Here

Jason is doing a contest on his blog site My Angle. The instructions are to find a picture of yourself where you felt amazing and then explain why. I believe this is an excellent idea; and really doesn't need to be a contest! But, here is my submission.


This is a photo of my family taken on Thanksgiving Day 2007.





This photo is important because at this time, we were all together and had finally made big strides towards healing and feeling like a complete family once again.


To explain, in August of 2001, my oldest son died. The unexpected tragedy and trauma scarred all of us in the family.


For me, I lost myself in work and gained weight for the first time in my life. My husband and I felt guilt over the uncontrollable and were at odds for some time. Our daughter, who was 2 years younger than her brother, lost herself in schoolwork, overachieving and losing weight.


Our middle son was 8 at the time and had idolized his older brother. He began to experience severe panic attacks whenever any of us were out of his sight. Our youngest was a only 4 at the time, and had the least immediate reaction.

It took us years to take our lives back one step at a time. I finally decided to make big strides in that regard in June of 2006. I left a job that was killing me and returned to my old lower-paying job, which I loved. I joined WW and lost 40 pounds. And, I began a running program. In this photo, I am about 2 weeks away from running my first 5K.


My daughter was home from college for a break and had learned to ease up on herself a bit. Our now oldest son, had worked very hard to overcome separation anxiety, and had made it to a point of not needing medication anymore. Our youngest son was a normal kid again. My husband and I had forgiven ourselves for things we could not begin to foresee or control, and were more solid than ever in our marriage.


This photo is so important to me because it shows an entire family that worked hard to become a family again.

The Marathon

One phrase I never want to hear again as long as I live is this – “Keep going!!! You’re almost there!!!” I’ll admit I am challenged in many ways, but not when it comes to math. I know, for example, that when I pass the 16-mile mark, I have 10.2 miles left to go. And, that is in no way “almost there”.

But, to the marathon….

I was up at 3AM after not sleeping well at all. This turned out to give me plenty of time to eat a light breakfast, get ready, and get out of the house by 4:45. I was able to drive to the designated shuttle stop and catch a 5AM shuttle over to the starting area of the marathon.

The Runner’s Village was very nice. There were plenty of Port-a-potties and even port-a-sinks! There were tents with fruit, bagels, and water as well. And many bag check areas and First Aid areas. I could have just stayed there all day!

Anyway, at 6:45 they lined us up by color group and escorted us out to line up at the start. Jesse (who had decided yesterday to run the marathon) and I went back to the last group. The 6 and 7 hour pacers were there, along with many of my friends.

Weather this morning was overcast with misting rain. 62 degrees and 96% humidity. Waiting for the start

After a nice vocal rendition of our National Anthem, the cannon shot, and we were off. Well, sort of. It actually took us 4 min to get up to the Start Line. Even before we got that far, Pam already had led the Moonrunners out in front of the 6 hour pacers! She was up with the 5:30 pacer. I mentioned to her that the 6 hour pacer was far behind us. She said, “Oh, they’ll catch up”.

I turned to Jesse and said, “I can see where this is going; slow down.” Jayne was also there with us. TJ decided to stay with Pam. The 1st three miles were up and over the Intercostal bridge. This is a non-pedestrian bridge. So, I had never attempted to run it before. It is not a drawbridge, so it is quite high and steep. And, long. I ran these three miles at my ½ marathon pace of 13:30. By mile 3, I was tired. 4 weeks of not running had left me with a big loss of stamina. This was my first moment of the day wondering if I would be able to make the whole distance.

By mile 4, the rain stopped and the wind picked up. I could start to see blue sky through the breaks in the clouds. Ordinarily, I welcome any and all sunshine. Today, not so much.

At mile 5, we turned onto the beach and headed North for the next 3 miles. By then the wind had really picked up and was coming directly out of the North. So, we were running into the wind. It was a strong wind that was ferociously attacking us with sand. This felt like needles hitting us on all exposed skin. At mile 6, the half-marathoners turned off the Beach and headed back. Jayne had fallen behind us and decided to just do the half. Many others did the same. For those of us who pressed on, those three beach miles were tough.

At mile 8, we were back up on dry land, thankfully, and made the 1st port-a-potty stop of the day. I had at this point stopped caring about time. My only goal was to finish. By now all clouds were gone, and we were running in brilliant sunlight. And, it was getting warm.

At mile 11, the outside of my left knee began to hurt. ITB? Meniscus tear? Who knows? It was hurting. The knee brace helped some, as did slowing down even more. By the time I crossed the half-marathon timing pads, I was really wishing I had opted to run the half. My knee was yelling at me by this time.

At mile 15, my knee gave out. Really. It locked up as I ran, and almost took me down. But, I was not going to give up. I tightened the brace to numb my whole knee, and did a combination of running/walking/limping for the next 11.2 miles.

I had a meltdown from miles 18 to 21 where I wanted to quit with every fiber of my being. Also, by mile 21, my hands had swollen twice their normal size and my lower back was really hurting. I was afraid of possible kidney failure, so made another Port-a-potty stop. Everything was OK, but it took a while. More time lost.

At mile 22, I was heading for the bridge. Jesse had fallen back a bit; but, I had to keep going. They were already picking up people who were behind us and driving them over the bridge. I refused to become one of those people.

I started up the bridge and was on it for the next three miles. It was rough. I ran it anyway, and passed everyone who was still on the bridge at that time.
:-)

FINALLY, I rounded the corner and made it in. A little over 7 hours. And, honestly, considering injury, time off running, and illness, I am perfectly fine with that time.

Now, I have a cool medal and bragging rights. And, a really bad sunburn. Oh, and everything hurts. Overall, I am happy I did it. The jury’s out on whether I will ever do it again.

Proust Questionnaire

This is a version of a famous questionnaire once asked of Marcel Proust, and is posted on La Moretta's blog.


1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
I can't answer this. Many things make me happy.

2. What is your greatest fear?
Alzheimer's.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Grudge holding.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Dishonesty.

5. Which living person do you most admire?
Donna Deegan (the 26.2 with Donna, Donna)

6. What is your greatest extravagance?
New running shoes, tech shirts, running skirts, Garmin...
I'll just call it "Running Paraphernalia".

7. What is your current state of mind?
OK ... just OK.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
I don't think any of the Virtues (and there are many lists of Virtues) are overrated. Most are underrated.

9. On what occasion do you lie?
In bed? Like lying down? Seriously, I make every attempt not to. I do not want to have to keep track of everything I've said.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I don't know.

11. Which living person do you most despise?
That's a tough one. I don't think I really despise anyone. I do, however, dislike the actions of a few people I know.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Fidelity.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Fidelity.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Seriously.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Family.

16. When and where were you happiest?
I can't say. Not that I won't; I can't. There have been many happy occasions in my life.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?
To play the violin.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Run faster.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Getting through another day. Just kidding. I really don't know.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A sea creature.

21. Where would you most like to live?
At the beach ... so close to the Ocean to be misted with sea spray.

22. What is your most treasured possession?
My wedding ring. It's just a very simple gold band, but it means so much.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Hopelessness.

24. What is your favorite occupation?
Does this mean "pastime"? If so, I have many: reading, running, playing with my children, laughing with my friends, etc.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?
Sarcasm laced with humor.

26. What do you most value in your friends?
Honesty.

27. Who are your favorite writers?
Sylvia Plath, William Faulkner, Jane Austen, Bronte sisters, Pat Conroy, Louisa May Alcott, L. Frank Baum, Philip K Dick, etc.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?
How about Science Fiction? Then it would be Spock.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
This is something I have never thought about.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?
There are many. They give without thought of reciprocity.
I am continually humbled by them.

31. What are your favorite names?
Julia and Michael

32. What is it that you most dislike?
Cheating and lying.

33. What is your greatest regret?
That I said, "OK" to one trip to Atlanta.

34. How would you like to die?
In my sleep.

35. What is your motto?
I'm glad I got out before the roof fell in!

Almost there ...

Finally, in spite of myself, I am starting to look forward to the marathon this Sunday.

Everything has been lining up against my looking forward to it:

Injury (ITB, lateral meniscus tear, Achilles tendon strain)

Illness (community acquired pneumonia)

Weather (warm with rain all day)

But, today is the first day of the Expo. That is exciting in itself.

As to the rest? I have a brace for my knee and antibiotics for the pneumonia.

The weather? I can't do anything about that. At least the rain will keep it cooler on the run.

And, I have friends who will be running as well. That will help keep me sane.

Countdown to the Marathon

That is how I was originally feeling heading towards the marathon. I had anxiety over EVERYTHING concerning it.



I am a little better now. I am feeling more like this:






I still have anxiety, but it's melting. There are still 2 things causing me stress:


1. Can I really make it 26.2 miles?

2. Will my IT band take me down or let me finish?


Only time will tell on these two.

Finding Balance

Not running for these past couple of weeks has made me painfully aware of something.


Running has taken over my life. At least the part of my life spent not working. It happened slowly and insidiously as the miles increased. And, as I transitioned from running alone into group running, it took over my social time as well.


"Not running" has made me really look at this, and evaluate just how big a part of my life I want running to be from this point forward.



I enjoy the friendships made through running and plan to keep them. But, there are other friendships (of the non-running kind) that I have put on hold for a while. I am re-establishing those now. I am meeting up with a group this week for dinner and a movie. We used to get together once a month. This past Fall, we only met once. Why? I was too busy.... running.



My family too has not had the best of me these past few months. The ever increasing long runs on Saturdays have left me too tired to do much of anything with them the rest of the weekend. And, the injuries have left me out of sorts.

I plan on continuing running for a long time to come. But, the focus is shifting. Running is not my life, just a part of it.